so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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