if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
