Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
