My sheets look like a crime scene.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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