Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
