I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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