my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Let's get the cat blown out
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
