im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
