i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
