I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
