yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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