i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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