My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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