She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he told me I talked like a deaf person
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
