I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
