A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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