the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
