I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
