Ambien. No doubt about it.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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