My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
A bitchslap is in order.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
