I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
