i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
