They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
