hell yes lets make some ravioli
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
