also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
