And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Boobs speak an international language.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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