i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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