My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
