Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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