Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize