We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
