the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
