I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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