Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
