After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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