Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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