If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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