I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
