is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize