Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
