she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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