she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize