is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
