Nicole vs. Life
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
