Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
