dude i'm inner monologue high
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
