Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
