Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
