The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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