We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
