NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
