I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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