As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
