so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
