His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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