If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
