Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
