I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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