I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
