remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
