I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
