Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
