The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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