would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
