I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
